my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
