It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
