He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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