"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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