What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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