i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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