The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
3 2 1 whiskey
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
