Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
