Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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