My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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