glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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