Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
