I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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