well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
