What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
