You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
