Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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