he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
