The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
