i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
