Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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