i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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