It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
