I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
