You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
