God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
