I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
