I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
