my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
