She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
