Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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