The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
