so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
