Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
