every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
