If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
