Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Randomize
