Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize