Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
