So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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