so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
