im six kinds of drunk right now
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
