just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
