nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
