another moral hangover. fuck.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
