Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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