3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
