chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize