I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
