TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
