so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
