i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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