Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
