i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
