If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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