You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
