He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
