I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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