Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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