Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
