That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
they need to just BURY HIM!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
