I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When are your genitals available?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
