yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize