He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
