There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
