the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
