i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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