omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
