In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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