seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
